dear santa or Jesus, whomever rules the season now,

i feel as though i have lost the CHristmas Spirit. I cant define it, and i dont exactly know what it is or who has it or why you have it, but i think i have lost it. On Christmas morning i forgot it was Christmas. I dont know what I need to do to get it back, or why or how i lost it, but, its lost. So im going to look for it, and maybe it will be back next Christmas. 

Alot can happen in a year

thanks to those you made Christmas possible (God) 

and a sarcastic thanks to those who made it less possible 

A letter to the poor

Yesterday, I visited a house that had trash bags on the windows.
trashbags to keep them safe.
that scared the shit out of me.
"those people" arent that far away from me, just a few blocks, and yet...
i cant keep them in my head.
i worry about trivial things, and you who are poor and starving,
your right there.
and i close my eyes.
ive been so blind.
im sorry.

A letter to those you dont know

like sometimes......
i feel depresed.
like honest to God depressed.
and i want to go to bed and sleep foever, about twice a week, and i dont know what to do,
because i really dont want to feel that way.
i want to be happy.
and today, i felt like a such a failure. i want to be more like Sam.
Sam handles things well.
Im happy most of the time
i love my life.
so why this sometimes deppresion?