dear santa or Jesus, whomever rules the season now,

i feel as though i have lost the CHristmas Spirit. I cant define it, and i dont exactly know what it is or who has it or why you have it, but i think i have lost it. On Christmas morning i forgot it was Christmas. I dont know what I need to do to get it back, or why or how i lost it, but, its lost. So im going to look for it, and maybe it will be back next Christmas. 

Alot can happen in a year

thanks to those you made Christmas possible (God) 

and a sarcastic thanks to those who made it less possible 

A letter to the poor

Yesterday, I visited a house that had trash bags on the windows.
trashbags to keep them safe.
that scared the shit out of me.
"those people" arent that far away from me, just a few blocks, and yet...
i cant keep them in my head.
i worry about trivial things, and you who are poor and starving,
your right there.
and i close my eyes.
ive been so blind.
im sorry.

A letter to those you dont know

like sometimes......
i feel depresed.
like honest to God depressed.
and i want to go to bed and sleep foever, about twice a week, and i dont know what to do,
because i really dont want to feel that way.
i want to be happy.
and today, i felt like a such a failure. i want to be more like Sam.
Sam handles things well.
Im happy most of the time
i love my life.
so why this sometimes deppresion?

a letter to God.

hey. 

ive got a pretty pertinant question. 

why?

i remember when i was a little girl i imagined all the questions i would ask you when i got to heaven. stupid questions. 

and now i have so many more seious questions. 

so, Lord, why? 

"we'll fall off our beds and won't hurt our heads."

another letter to you.

hey you. 

i cant get you outta my head. 

i like you more than i should. and i am really hopping you like me back, 

yesterday i could imagine you in my living room as i introduced you to my parents. 

it was scary. 

and amazing. 

exhilarating. 

as you stood there in all your glory leaning on the sides of your feet. 

i really want you to be that guy. 

sorry if this sounds cliche. 

:) 

a letter to you in heaven.

you died last night. at 11 o clock. 

it hasnt hit me yet, death normally takes a while to sink in. 

its pretty scary to think that werent that much older than my mom. 

and your daughter is that much older than me. its pretty scary to think that you couldve been my mom. 

im so sorry and sad that you died. 

and why im glad you're out of your pain. i just wish you never had that pain. 

cancer is an awful, awful, evil disease. 

i hate it. 

again, im sorry. 

another letter to a few of you,

2 of you: im sick of your shit, although it comes in diffrent forms, its still shit. and im still sick of it. You both need to get over yourselves. 

Im leaving you both in my dust. 

Im sor....no, nevermind im really not. 

1 of you: I like you so much, i really hope your in my near future, im gonna pluck up my coarage someday soon, 

(mabye not, but id like to) 

im blessed.

a letter to a cancer riden mother

hospice. im so sorry. everybody knows hospice is another way to wait for death. you fought for 16 years. and cancer, that damn monster is killing you. 

im so sorry. your just as old as my mom. it could be my mom in your shoes. 

that scares me shitless. 

im so sorry. 

a letter to the nonexsistent reader.

go read paper towns. it is amazing. 

best YA book ive read in a long time. 

thanks. 

PAPER TOWNS

JOHN GREEN.

BROTHERHOOD 2.O

nerdfighters. 

a letter to you.

So, Ive already written a letter to you, but im going to write another one, because what you are doing is mean. and you have no right to be doing it. 

You dont want to control anything. not them. not the money. nothing. 

exept me. 

you hve to be in control of me or you just about shit yourself. 

thats not fair. 

so be there 100% or get the hell out of my life. 

you cant eat the pie if you dont buy it. 

a letter to the seeing people of the world.

could you imagine the world if you had never seen it before? 

like someone says "imagine a circle" 

but you've never seen one. so all you see is blackness

someone says "oh the sky is blue" 

and you cant imagine what blue is. 

because you have never seen ANYTHING. 

like even when you imagine what heaven would be like, you base it on gold and streets, and pearly and gates. 

all images you've seen before. 

I can imagine being blind from birth,  and i think if i was, i'd go crazy.

Thank YOu, Lord. 

a letter to you revisited.

maybe i wont dig that hole. 

image all the wonderful things id miss

i think they're worth the bad. sad, unfortunate things. 

and even if they're not....

i'd probably just die in that hole. 

a letter to you, both of you,

wow. i feel like an idiot. your so cool! and a great friend. and i runied our friendship all those months back. I spent the next year having little fun (comparatively). and im sorry about that. 

i cant say im sorry enough, i know that, 

but Im sorry. 

so sorry 

and to you.

uggg. im so over you. im tired of getting caught in the web. its sticky, gross and no fun. 

time to have fun. i dearly want to have fun. 

so. im going to.

:) :) :)

a letter to you :),

i like you. :) so much. you're like him, except you can laugh. 

which is important. 

also you can joke and smile, and not be to important for the unimportant. 

i hope you like me to. but, regardless, i thought id tell you, even if im not, really. 

but, i digress. 

i really like you. 

a letter to us.

sometimes i wonder why we all keep coming back week after week, (besides the obvious God reason, because thats most defiantly #1.). I mean it obviously not the amazingly fun activities, because while they're fun, there not THAT fun. How come our class is the group that always comes, what keeps us so strong? The answer came upon me while we were walking around in the mall together waiting to see our movie. We do. We keep ourselves so strong. We have formed these bonds, and they can't be broken, we complete each other. And together we can do so much. Thats what makes us so storng. We do. We do. We do. because we are so strong. I am so glad im part of the group. i really feel like i have a home. 

a letter to the reader.

sometimes. i want to scream WHAT THE HELL? and i want to dig a hole in the ground. and i want to lay there forever. i want to forget about this and that and this and that and then in about 10 years, i'll get up and look around, and i may get out or i may just hibranate for another 10 years. Im so sick of all the shit thats pilling up around me. 

another letter to you. whoever you may be

im so happy for you. :) 

a letter to you, and explanation to myself

the reason i sought you out as a friend was a simple, single reason. 

not because you were nice, or shared my interests, or were crazy and out there, no it wasnt a pity friendship or any of the like. 

I wanted to be your friend because I thought you could be my person. The person when the who rest of the gym class paired up, you'd head straight for me. or when you could only invite one person to diner for your birthday, youd invite me. thats why i wanted to be your friend, i wanted to be someones #1. 

but ive realized, too late i think, that when i treat others as if their my #1 then they'll treat me like im theirs. but just now, ive realized, im ok with waiting, someday ill find a friend and they'll treat me like like im #1 even when im acting like im # 60000000000056. and im prepared to wait. and i wish you the same friendship. 

a letter to you (and belive me, you are many)

Im sorry. I've been hypocritical, and some of you, I cant imagine the pain i must of put you through. I have been quick to anger and slow to think. I know Ive hurt your feelings and i know you probably wont read this, but I am so so so sorry. 

a letter to the economy.

fix yourself, on account of we OBVIOUSLY have no idea what to do. and im only 14, i want to live as an adult in an as good of and hopefully better world when i grow up. I'm pretty scared. so....hey, when you get a chance.......fix yourself.

a letter i write in shame to all the LOVLEY PEOPLE at "the view"

Now, i ll start of by saying i dont watch your show, and I feel stupid for writng this letter on such a trivial thing. (unless you have someone i like on it, which is very seldom) I dont usally watch talk shows, so dont take it personally. but then again, maybe you should, because yours how is the last talk show in the world i would watch. (no offense, of corse) You have fights like everyday, and i mean, really? who didnt see that one coming. You're a bunch of head strong women (who i think are great, headstrong women i mean) and your talking about things that matter, sometimes, which means contriversial. So, let me make this simple. HSWomen+contreversy=FAILURE. your show sucks. you cant get along and you never will.
With Respect, Elizabeth Harris.

a letter to you and you, also a sad note.

i'm glad you werent there.

 you are a party pooper, you always have been.

 and to one of you: the case was  i was just so enamored by you i didnt care if you pooped my party. so long as you were there, at my party. 

 and the other i just wanted to be someones favorite person, and i dont even think i ever was. 

but, i digress 

 you both are party poopers, and i want to party, and i was so dimmed by your shadow, so im done hanging with the party poopers.  Im tired of sitting in the corner when i want to dance. 

my party will never be pooped again by you or anyone else. 

sorry if i pooped on you're party. by emancipating myself.

a letter of relazation

so the other day in sunday school, we read in the Bible the be attitudes, (blessed are the peace makers, the do gooders ect.) and those were awe inspiring for sure, but the one that hit me went a little something like "blessed are those you are truly happy with who they are" ( i dunno what the direct quote was) and at first i was like oh, it means when were the most perfect we could possibly be we are blessed, but i dont think it means that. i think we should still aim for that, but if were happy being medicore, then maybe were blessed, if we are truly happy with that, then maybe we have something that we who strive for perfection dont have. i want to love who i am. so here are some things im cool with.
1) im still kinda afraid of the dark, but im ok with that.
2) i am obsessed with my cat
3) im tall and akward.
4) im not popular
5) sometimes im a little anti social.
and yea, there are plenty of things that i dont like about myself, but there are plenty of thngs i do like about myself.
Sincerly, Zibby

a letter to myself.

hi. how are you? do you know? you keep thinking about it, wondering if its true, but i know deep down inside you (i) know its not true, and youve been telling yourself for months to stop thinking about it, and you still are, and in doing so convinced yourself it might be true, but its not, your being fearful and stupid. so stop, now. im freeing you, me. your free to stop thinking about it, and then next month year decade youll look back and think "i was so stupid" because you were. stop now, because your convincing yourself into something thats not true, and its inmportant that you dont convince yourself. so stop. ready? 5 4 3 2 1. YOU'RE DONE.

a letter to america.

stop fighting. please.... between each other and other countries. verbally, with fist, were all the same, all humans. you have no excuse. let us unite and stop fighting. we as america are not in the position to make enemies, so let us make friends. lets throw in the playground bully badge, and go swing with Iraq, give our lunch money to African countries, welcome newcomers, and embrace change. lets be friends.

a letter to you: you were never the person you were supposed to be.

sometimes, i get so angry at you. I really don't want to be angry at you, but i am. You're supposed to be there, your supposed to love me and tell me you do. You dont. You have been depresed for so long, and you cant pull yourself out of it, and it is affecting everyone you love. Sometimes, I find myself surfing that wave, i feel like my board is about to tip and im going to fall into the ocean, and then maybe ill be like you, and drown in the depression, but then i remember what your doing to your loved ones, how you act, what you've failed to do, and i realize, i cant do that, because thats not fair, and i cant be mad at you, and thne do it myself. You are a horrible role model, and you've failed at all the jobs your supposed to do. You dont understand how much i resent you, because youve left a gap in my life no one else can fill. you need to suck it up, start paddaling, and start living. listen, be slow to anger, and live your life teaching lessons, with words and with actions.

a letter to those who listen.

thank you. you are the unsung heros of this world. without your listening the world would be in chaos, there are few of you who listen well, and you are people who like to share. You few special people are loved, and cherished but not nearly enough. Still, Im A talker, i talk when i should listen, and so now im going to talk. You know when you have those moments where everything is relized? well ive had a share of those moments, God has sent them my way, and i notice them, and for a day or two i live life diffrently, but then, unfortuantly, i go back to living my medicore life, and i dont understand, again, i just had one of those "aa ha" moments, and yet im still living as i have for years, whats up with that? thanks for listening, listeners.

a letter to you.

thank you, i dont say it near as much as i should, and i am sorry for that. you're amazing. 

a true superhero. 

i love you more than you could possibly know. if something were to happen to you, i would just about die. i have so much respect for you,

 my role model, my super hero.

a letter to my ex-crush, love, obbesion

i know this wont make since and youll never read it but, i thought i was in love with you, but i was in love with "him", the guy i thought you were, and i realize now, that theres this other guy and hes better than the 'pedastool you', and hes real, and you never liked me and he proably wont either, but wow i like him. Your a great guy, and ill always remember you and look at you with fondness, but i can now look at you for what you are, and not what a imagined you to be, and i love that. and you caused me heartache, sleepless nights, excitment, happiness, sadness, tears, amd the idea of love, you gave me more and made me more miserable than youll ever know. Maybe i touched you, too. i hope so. your a pretty cool guy, just not 'that guy' anymore.

this blog is....

for me, and for the things i never said, for the letters i never sent, for the people i never said, for the anger i never let show and the love in never let grow, my regrets in a blog. my praises and thank yous and sorrys all in one blog.