a letter to you. this is what i want to say, i cant get it out.

i like you.
i have gotten about 10000 people's advice about how to tell you.
theres the subtlety, the flirting, the not at all, the hinting, the asking out, the haveing someone else tell you, the writing you a letter, the facebooking , ect. ect.
there are so many ways to do it, and yet i cant. i cant open my mouth, i cant tell you, i cant spit it out. im driving everyone nuts with it.
but it gonna be akward no matter what way i do it.
i wonder, will you be repulsed, or will you like me back, will you be indiffrent.
you'll be akward, i know but im ok with that.
i just dont want it to ruin a friendship.
im freaking scared.
and that keeps my mouth shut.
yourejust a boy, but i really like you, youre ust a boy, yet im scared. youre just a boy, but i cant look at you without smiling.
i like you alot.
i wish you knew.
i wish i could tell you.
but until then...
i like you.

a letter to God. and Ray Bradbury.

however...
sometimes i feel depresed.
and its then i must remind myslef to live like the marrtian.
not ask WHY im on the earth, or why im doing these things,
or why i was born to an uper middle class family who cares,
and not a 10 child starving family in Hati,
but accept that as fact.
Live like the martian, and live connected.
not sceince and religion apart.
but combined, like tree roots.
live each day. and not question why, but accept. and better myself.
and thats that.
im going to be happy.
and overcome my fear.
FIN.

a letter to you.

maybe.....
i dunno.
maybe were all walking around like robots...not really feeling real emotion.
maybe we arent in control. at all.
all i know is I belive in God. and i belive in love. and i belive in peace, and hope, and faith, and nature and choclate, but not too much, and guys, and guys with good abs, and happiness, and cheese pizza, and friends, and U2, and jackjohnson, and dorks, and timeless friendships, and old pictures, and cats, and the world, and mankind, and you, and me, and us, and all of this around us, and all of the whole of eveything, whatever that may be, and i belive in movies, and chickflicks, and harry potter, and books, and them, and the collective they, i belive that God is in control of some things, but like a parent we must make our own choices, and cheese sticks, and frozen threee musketeers, and the day we all grow out of all of this, and the day we all have peace, and the day we all get our heads out of the sand and look around, and the day we get together, and the day we stop killing people, the day we all grow old. I belive in beauty and sadness, i belive in the sky, and in the grass, and the garden.
Im happy.
You're happy.
What else matters today?
not too much.

a letter to him.

im going to see you soon.
and i havent seen you in a long time
but im really excitied.
there are so many things i like about you.
you....
are one of the awesomest amazingest people i know,
i hope one day we can be...
but for know; i pine after you in scilence.
somedays i wonder if you notice. is it obvious? my affection, i mean.
the other day, i was going to tell you. i wrote you a message on facebook.
but my finger slipped and i dont press send.
i couldnt. i wouldnt. im sorry. im not coragous. im sorry your shy.
because of our flaws....we may never be together
but i have learned to never discount chance...nor humans.
maybe someday....tommorow. the next day next month or year
maybe someday when we meet by chance on the street many years from now.
maybe never. whether we end up together or apart, it will be for the better.
i know. still i hope us being together is for the better. because you are amazing.
what would you say if you knew this was about you? what would you do?
would you be disgusted? happy? would you ask me out? would you not talk to me for the next 4 months and 19 days? i dunno....
still, i like you alot.

a letter. to whom? you, i guess

im happy.
im really happy.
and its not because i have eveything in the world.
or because i have everything i want emotionaly.
im not really content with some of the way im living.
there are alot of things i want to change in my life.
but im trying. im working at it
and i know im kinda bad when it comes to these things but...
im working on it.
and i know that and so im really happy.
:]

a letter to myself and i guess to the reader.

i have been enslaved by this fear.
this secret fear...
that i have spoken to NO ONE.
and i mean no one.
and its so stupid. becuase i have been trying to get past it for months
and latley i have been some what successful...i guess
but its kind of hard to stop thinking about it. and its not even that i ever thought that it was true.
its just that im scared.
and its a stupid silly fear.
but im afraid if i dont get over it...
i could convince myself its real. b ut i know its not.
so im not gonna say im through with this silly fear.
because i think it will take time
but i will say im trying really hard to be done with it
and i think soon...i will be done with it.